[10] 10/10 For Being (Brown, Obviously)
The internet is not my friend.
It's only useful to me the same way a knife is useful; as a tool. So, pouring out my deepest griefs and rawest joys into the Void Where My Friends Are isn't the safest thing to do.
Yet, here I am. And here you are with me. Hi!
10 whole posts... Wow. I've never been this consistent while feeling mentally healthy before. Noice.
I Look Good In Brown
Being Brown, despite the issues, is a brave choice. We can't change our skin, but we can be comfortable in the prescribed meat suit. How we get comfy in here is really up to us, but it's not so much an outward expression of wearing a bottu and cute jhumkas, fasting on Tuesdays, or wearing sarees to hella white Christmas parties as it is about an inner dismantling the mindsets we were raised with.
The growth happens when you take things apart to see how they work — and find out if they actually work in the real world. It's the silent dissent at home, the active (and successful) search for a job in a different city (far away), and the curation of culture instead of doing a Thing just because that's how you do it at home. Fasting on Tuesdays only works in practice when you're not a sheep. Or a dick. Who are you being good for? Who are you carrying your culture for?
I've found it's more helpful for my mental health when I know I'm being a good person before I'm a good brown girl.
This Was a 10/10 Experience
To the brown girls I'm lucky to call friends, you've lent an ear, offered a shoulder, and asked all the right questions at all the right times. I know myself better through you.
And to my fiancé, who always (eventually) reads my blogs and questions my ways before following them, you prioritised my personhood over my culture. I cannot thank you enough for holding that space for me to piece myself together in new ways and loving every version so far.
This is the first blog I've ever wanted to continue after writing the first five posts. There's been a small, supportive, sensitive audience in this tiny corner of the internet. Thank you for taking the time to read what I've shared. To everyone who resonated, I'm sadly glad I'm not alone. Can I get a "Brown Girls whoop whoop!"?