[05] Brown Trust

14 Dec, 2023

In my experience, there's an unspoken rule among Brown kids that we don't rat each other out. Who we are, what we wear to parties, the very fact that we go to parties — none of it can reach our parents.

Parents of any ethnicity are protective, but there's a hard edge in the ways Brown parents operate — or rather, don't let the kids operate. There's been a recent shift in how millennials interact with their parents. I, for one, have come to recognise that my folks are people with histories before they are my parents. They lived, desired, and built flawed, beautiful, and successful selves before I ever came into the family picture.

While this is both appalling and inspiring to think about, what this perspective really means is that I don't feel any inherent, deep-seated shame when I live my life. While I might not have marched up and confidently announced my Big Decisions¹, I didn't feel like I was doing something wrong when I took them.

Stereotypes

This is why I've always loved how open non-Brown kids are with their parents. There's an insane, ruthless freedom in parents stepping back to let their children unfurl into the weird and wild creatures they are. And there's abundant joy and incredible fear in the act of unfurling itself. Both parties are subject to change, and that's the best part!

Ja, I know this is a stereotype. Not all caucasian families operate the same as on TV, but the stereotype has to come from somewhere because even in the movies, the Brown kids couldn't reveal that they were staying out late, (thinking about) dating someone, or going on an adventure unrelated to their studies. Real life is something else altogether. Like Hasan Minhaj says, Brown Kids have to choose which cards to play with their parents; you can't just ask for a laptop and a sleepover at your new friend's house all at once. Please. Think about how that would play out.

Unfurling

The point isn't to bash Indian parents. Especially the immigrant ones. I mean, moving to a foreign country means moving toward success — why else would you move if your Government is still stable? They made sure we always knew our roots, understood the importance of family, valued ourselves, and always aimed for success. We are stronger for those lessons.

What I see us choosing to do now, based on conversations over the years with cousins and fellow Brown Kids, is unfurl. We are weirdly, haltingly, aggressively, elegantly, intentionally, and bravely creating our adult selves. It's such a messy, delicious transformation — it's making me cry just thinking about it! We're trusting our families and merging the inner and parent-friendly versions of ourselves so they can know us better. Who have we become??

In a few weeks, My fiancé² and I are visiting my parents³. I'm fucking terrified about what they could judge me for, and somehow, I still want to run into their arms and joyfully show them this beautiful life I've built.

Being Brown is a trip. A guilt trip mostly, but I'm changing that. I'm choosing to trust this...who knows where it'll take me — or who it will help unfurl?